Some reflection,,,,

Maybe if I just typed it out, it may help a bit....

Anyway, I feel sad some.  Somehow, even though I know in my head I am trying to help others, but when it turns to hurt, whether intentionally or not, it has such an effect on me.  You wanna apologize / make it up to them but you don't know how to.  Sometimes, you feel an insecure feeling that no matter how hard you try fix / make better the situation, it doesn't seem to calm my heart.

Even when the person can apologize for getting mad or owning up to their mistakes, I still feel sad that I made the person angry/sad/disappointed in the first place.  It's like I can't seem to forgive myself for making the mistake in the first place.  I wonder now if I actually made some inner vows that hardened my heart to actually feeling right.

Most probably wanting everything to be perfect isn't going to happen and bound for great disappointment.  Melissa is so right when she mentions that we shouldn't beat ourselves up so much.  Learn from our mistakes but don't drag yourself into mud and kill yourself internally till you can't bring yourself up again to run the race or press on.

So, dear Lord.  I do pray that you mold my heart.  Show me my inner hurts that prevent me from knowing You more.  No one likes guilt, pain or suffering but Lord, from my hurts that I go through, please show me the way to You that others may also see You through the testimony of my life.  Thanks for everything.  Amen.